HOPE

LP-704-Maldives-Beach-At-Sunset-Maxi-Poster-91Where is the moment? The moment of happiness, serenity, fulfillment…It never seems to come. There are days I simply give up hopeβ€”the hope of a new life. There are days which pass so slowly, as if in slow motion, I can’t find anything fulfilling to do. Nothing seems to interest me anymore. The idea of bathing myself in heroin corners me from above and beyond. Do I simply give in to the fight? Or, as they say, surrender? Surrender to what? To the hole that is consuming me from inside; despite, all the movements in my life.

A ray of hope is all I need. I chuckle, and convince myself that, at least for the day.

Advertisements

33 thoughts on “HOPE

  1. DON’T DO IT! I mean reaallly, don’t do it. “Don’t pick up no matter what” my sponsor always says. When things are dark my only comfort were my mind altering chemicals- one for every desired emotion and energy level. I’m a big fan of God now- so it’s easier to accept offered replacements. But the times still come where I would gladly drink or use straight from a public restroom (yep, that’s what I said)… Gotta fight it. I’m talktoable ish (working out- but between sets). God’s got you!

    • Yeah, these are raw emotions I go through sometimes, not everyday though. I’m not a big fan of sponsorship–although i had couple of em earlier—but hey what work’s best for ya is the best for ya! Anyway, thanks for the concern. Hope you had a nice workout πŸ™‚

  2. Hey,

    The loss of joy experienced with anhedonia surely is a form of *agony*. Slow, taking-for-ever, devoid of any pleasure….agony. Have you considered/tried anti depressants?

    Hoping you are okay…

    Stay strong! Okay?

    Best, Mike.

    • Hey thanks! These are just emotional ramblings, sometimes it is not so bad. Perhaps, a cry for help in the mindset of an addict is what I tried to capture.

      Anti-depressants are not my thing; I guess it makes you more depressed! πŸ™‚

      I’m doing alrite, and thanks again.

  3. Ahh… hope. The thing with feathers:

    “β€œHope” is the thing with feathers –
    That perches in the soul –
    And sings the tune without the words –
    And never stops – at all -”

    Some say hope is a good thing, the best of things…

    I appreciate all your kind visits. Wishing you peace and hope,
    Christy

      • Nope, song lyrics and the occasional movie lines tend to make up most of my second language, LOL.

        Can you imagine how many people I would annoy if I quoted Dickinson day in and day out? Hmmmm…. I see an idea forming. πŸ˜‰

        But seriously, all these feelings–the good and the bad–they’re all two sides of the same coin. The bad helps us appreciate the good. Just remember “this too shall pass.” Everything changes, nothing lasts for forever. Heroin is the great thief of life–don’t hand yours over willingly. I won’t quote it, but The Laughing Heart by Bukowski is a good one. And I’ll post a special one for you tomorrow.
        xx, Christy

      • I’m flattered. πŸ™‚ A poem specially for me, wow!
        I would take that line about to heroin to heart. Never heard that one before.

        You must be one character among your social circle; I can imagine how you talk and go about, LOL..

      • Ah that heroin line was all mine. First time I said it–explains why you had yet to hear it. πŸ˜‰

        Sunday will be your day. πŸ™‚ (I forgot I had one that HAS to go tomorrow, you’ll understand when you see it, and Sat is a huge days for Weekend Words–it’s going to be epic.) Enjoy the rest of your day!

        (My social circle is a jumble of characters. I’m the normal one.)

      • That figures! You are being such a sweetheart. I’m looking forward to it, you actually made my day; sadly, the day just ended, it’s midnight this part of the world.

        Glad you are the normal, now I can imagine the state of the not-so-normal ones! LOL

  4. I wish you courage and strength in your struggle. Your light appears to me to shine bright and to inspire and comfort others.
    Thank you for visiting my blog.
    Just remember that when you use it is much harder to notice let alone feel all the the unconditional and splendidly warm ways in which your higher power is taking care of you.

    Lots of love.

  5. I would like to encourage you to keep writing your stories and emotional experiences with addiction. You are to be commended! I don’t even know you and I am SUPER PROUD of our connection!

    You ROCK!

    This book may help you. It’s a quick read… Dear God: Book 1 ~ A Story from Hell to Hope. Available on Amazon.com.

    I’ll be sharing your posts via my social media.

    Keep writing!

    • Thank you so much for your kindness and encouragement. I would love to read your books.

      Wow! I din’t think it was sharing material. Thanks for the lovely gesture and putting the word out. πŸ™‚

      • You now have a divine gift. God doesn’t make mistakes when He tests. I’m no preacher, I just tell it like I see it.

        You now have the power & control to change the world of hopeLESS addiction into hopeFULL recovery

        I am just here to help you DO IT. FULFILL Your PURPOSE.

        I tweeted it, LinkedIn posted, fb posted, and fb fan page posted, as well.

        KEEP WRITING. XOXO

        Your friend,
        Seanna

      • I’m deeply moved. It’s very encouraging to find support when you don’t expect it.

        At least now I know, I’m not alone in this battle. It’s very kind of you to share my writing. I have just started out–I’ve always wanted to write. Still I’m doubtful whether I’ve it in me or the drive to do it.

        Thanks a lot πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

      • Oh, it’s IN THERE! πŸ™‚

        I am not an addict, but my brother is. I’ve loved & lost many people to drugs.

        I seek to help people suffering from addiction because I know the struggles. I know the pain it causes people that love you.

        I know the differences between use, abuse, and dependence.

        I also know how to find talent & gifts within people and bring them out.

        What do you value in life? I’ll start with that. I’ll write a post in my HumaisticTherapy blog, just for you!

      • I have siblings too, and I can’t imagine what they’ve gone through during my addiction. I salute your noble cause.

        Is happiness a value? Maybe, I tend to seek happiness and fulfillment through worldly means.

        I know I’m quite spirituality bankrupt and I guess I value life more than death, hence I easily can shun the thought of giving up!

        It doesn’t sound so straightforward–that’s probably because I honestly don’t have an upfront answer for that! πŸ™‚

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s