Keeping it simple.

ft4-3Not everybody who wanders around drugs get addicted. Some of my friends have abruptly quit heroin, with no major rock-bottoms. Although I feel happy for them, it has never motivated me to quit; in fact, it boosted my ego–if they can quit, I can do it any other day. There have been times I swore I’d never use but to pick up again. There have been couple of years clean time in my belt; but, I don’t want to categorize those years as particularly memorable–at least not in a recovery sense.

In fact, those were the worst times of my life I could recall; not merely because I was away from drugs, but because of the spiritual and mental bankruptcy. Once I came to learn about recovery and all the jargon associated with it, I became aware of so many things which I wish I never knew–ignorance is really bliss sometimes.

However, getting from an ignorant phase to an educated phase–not enlightening, I’m sure–granted me the opportunity to apply tools and principles in my life, if I were to change. That was the problem from the beginning. I failed to apply. Knowing something rarely helps. There are many ways of giving up using; surely, not just one! The more I get immersed in recovery literature, the more complicated things get. The disease concept, genetics of addiction and stuff like we are predisposed to getting addicted due to our brain make-up and what-not really gets me sometimes. I don’t get it–I don’t think those who promotes those slogans get it either! No offence, but that’s just my opinion, not necessarily the right one either.

Surprisingly, the best suggestion I got till date about rock-bottom is it’s not a requirement to get clean. It is a very relative term, indeed. The best way I have found to stop using is just stop using. Period! The problem is to just stop using doesn’t help me either. Getting abstinent is sometimes relatively easy for me, but staying on the course, maintaining my recovery day-by-day, that’s where the work gets tough for me. That’s what I’ve yet to master!

Advertisements

18 thoughts on “Keeping it simple.

  1. I was telling a friend yesterday that recovery has to almost become your second job…and if you quit you can get “fired.” Sometimes it feels weird because you almost have to put God first, then recovery, then everything else. Good luck on your journey, friend. Praying for you!

  2. Stay the course
    My friend
    Just never let go
    Life has its perils
    But it’s better without drugs
    Don’t give your soul
    To those soul stealing
    Heart crushing
    Animals
    Thugs

  3. Knowledge is not enough; we must apply. Wanting is not enough; we must do. All of us staying clean are doing it today, day by day. No one gets cured, but many of us stay free. I found it in the steps and by staying connected to other recovering folks, connected to service to others, connected to HP. Others find it other ways, and, like you say, some are not addicts. The point is, I am, and someone like me found a way out and freely gave it to me. I didn’t have to go shopping, but at times of wanting to use or obsessions about using, I have to work my ass off. I did and do the work while having a daily reprieve, so that I develop the habit of recovering, and I sharpen the tools of recovery, and I keep people in my life for support and sharing. Yrah, it takes some effort, just not as much as being an active addict…….

    • Not so many of us do find recovery the way we want to, and some of us struggle through the cycle; maybe because the need to stop is superficial.

      As you say some of us fail to exert the effort needed; others just don’t really care — they don’t search for ways to get out.

      Thanks a lot for your insight and sharing your experience.

  4. i think, too, it is crucial to understand that there is a deep spiritual reason, a loss of authentic self that leads us to addiction. As you said yourself in a post, not everyone becomes addicted. As a recovering food addict, and former alcoholic, I feel that the ‘urge’ will never go away, we are constantly in battle with that injured inner child or children that we lost along the way from abuse. As we learn how to heal those parts, it is a wonderful salve for deep wounds.
    If you ever have an interest in exploring the inner child, look at John Bradshaw’s old books or depth psychology. It was tremendous in my own journey. You are very brave, so be sure to give yourself well deserved credit for staying the course. Blessings…

    • I totally agree. There’s always the obsession or the monkey in the back looming around; but I’ve heard the mental cravings wear off over time. That’s really good news!

      I would take a peek at that.

      Thank you so much for the encouragement and insight; deeply appreciated. Blessings to you as well!

  5. “The best way I have found to stop using is just stop using.” Such a SIMPLE truth – but like you said, not always as “easy” as it seems; the hardest part is the whole “staying stopped” under any and all conditions! I am so grateful for the many people that came before that presented me with a guide to living that worked for them- and inspired hope within me that MAYBE, just maybe, it could work for me too, as long as I was/am/continue to be willing to let it 🙂

    • Yeah totally!

      Long-term recovery is possible and many people are there as living proof, and we don’t have to go searching far for a recovery program. I believe from my experience that what works for me might not work for you and there are many ways of getting around the problem of addiction — not just one way, as some people market. As the old cliche’ goes if there is a will, there is a way!

      Thanks a bunch for dropping by and many blessings to you. 🙂

  6. What worked for me was prison. While awaiting in jail i eent through my withdrawal which was horrible as you know. Shit and puke everywhere, the pain, my brain couldn’t communicate with my body. No bed rest in some resort. No therapy. Once i got to prison i found i could score again, i didn’t have money, you can imagine the things i lowered myself to do.
    After a few times of lowering myself to such horrible standards and doing things i have never mentioned to another soul. I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror I was a drug whore.
    I was raised in a God fearing environment. I sought out the Pastor. God came first, the rest followed.
    Once I was released I was a different woman. Praise the Lord.
    I have never repeated this before. …..

    • Thank you so much for sharing a part of your life, it really means a lot.

      I’m glad you found peace and serenity. For some of us, jails, prisons and even losing our sanity don’t work. I guess it’s the effort you put into recovery that made all the difference.

      Congrats for your new found life and thanks again. Blessings and well wishes to you. 🙂

      • I think it was the standards I lowered myself to. I would do anything for any drug. In jail when i was kicking the guards beat me and laughed the women threw my own shit at me. And thats not even the worst of it.
        Like i said no rehab, no bed, no therapy, no one cared.
        It was years ago. But i still can’t sleep at night like normal people. I still look over my shoulder. I dont slam anymore but I’m still paranoid and i will never forget the rush i got after slamming. Maybe we aren’t suppose to

      • The scars of our past, although we try to forget will be with us forever. As long as we don’t bury ourselves in that despair, I think we’ll just be fine.

        Recovery is not the destination, it is surely a journey. I have ups and downs everyday, both emotionally and mentally.

        Thanks again 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s