Not everybody who wanders around drugs get addicted. Some of my friends have abruptly quit heroin, with no major rock-bottoms. Although I feel happy for them, it has never motivated me to quit; in fact, it boosted my ego–if they can quit, I can do it any other day. There have been times I swore I’d never use but to pick up again. There have been couple of years clean time in my belt; but, I don’t want to categorize those years as particularly memorable–at least not in a recovery sense.
In fact, those were the worst times of my life I could recall; not merely because I was away from drugs, but because of the spiritual and mental bankruptcy. Once I came to learn about recovery and all the jargon associated with it, I became aware of so many things which I wish I never knew–ignorance is really bliss sometimes.
However, getting from an ignorant phase to an educated phase–not enlightening, I’m sure–granted me the opportunity to apply tools and principles in my life, if I were to change. That was the problem from the beginning. I failed to apply. Knowing something rarely helps. There are many ways of giving up using; surely, not just one! The more I get immersed in recovery literature, the more complicated things get. The disease concept, genetics of addiction and stuff like we are predisposed to getting addicted due to our brain make-up and what-not really gets me sometimes. I don’t get it–I don’t think those who promotes those slogans get it either! No offence, but that’s just my opinion, not necessarily the right one either.
Surprisingly, the best suggestion I got till date about rock-bottom is it’s not a requirement to get clean. It is a very relative term, indeed. The best way I have found to stop using is just stop using. Period! The problem is to just stop using doesn’t help me either. Getting abstinent is sometimes relatively easy for me, but staying on the course, maintaining my recovery day-by-day, that’s where the work gets tough for me. That’s what I’ve yet to master!