Gone beyond boredom: The other side of addiction

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The emptiness I have felt, I would never wish upon anyone. There is no way I can fully describe it to someone who has not experienced it. It’s like a part of me has left my body. The feeling of loneliness, although I’m surrounded by people, overwhelms me to the extent I feel loneliness in its raw sense, literally. It never seems to go away. The feeling of total uselessness, coupled with the utter meaninglessness of the world seizes me.

These are feelings I have to fight or surrender to, on a daily basis. Every time I stop after using for a period of time (days, weeks, or months), I get overwhelmed. Sometimes, it’s really hard to go through it; though over time, the feeling lessens. If I isolate myself during this period, – the most tempting thing to do – the emptiness doubles it’s grip on me. I try not to isolate, but sometimes that’s what I end up doing, making matters worse.

After experiencing this through out my journey it has become a part of my life now. I no longer sit and worry about it. If I hear a friend say he is bored, I chuckle to myself. I have gone beyond boredom. I mean, I still get bored sometimes, but that’s like heaven compared to the raw feelings I have gone through.